Category: LGBT Discussion
So I need some advice.
I am 15 years old, and I do believe I am a bi sexual.
I have no problem admitting that to friends who I am not that close with, but I still haven't told anyone in my family or any of my very close friends.
I would just really like to know how some of you have come out to your loved ones, cause I really want to tell them, but I just can't.
I feel that something is holding me back, and I think I just need to get some tips on telling people this.
So help would be much appreciated.
Thanks,
Jess
You are still pretty young, at an age where a lot of experimenting goes on. I don't know how liberal your family is, but I don't think it's something they need to know just yet. I'd suggest you wait till you're older, and know yourself better.
I think that's good advice.
The first close friend I came out to was Ashley (Woman of Wisdom), who was very supportive and was talking of finding me a woman within five minutes. lmao! One of the next people was a cousin who, while I'm close to, does come from my father's side of the family, which is full of racism. Needless to say, I wasn't sure she'd take it well, but guess what? It made no difference to her whatsoever, which goes to show you can't always tell. Some people who know that I'm bi aren't as supportive as others. I've heard everything from "I don't agree with it" to "Not in my house", but all that matters is that I'm not hiding my sexuality from myself or the world anymore. People can think of me in any way they like; I really could care less. However, I would advise anyone under 18 to take precautions. If your family reacts badly, they can potentially make your life hell while you're a minor. Of course, you can always fight for your beliefs, and if your family's actions are severe enough, you could contact Social Services and try to find another place to live. Jess, good luck! Let us know how it turns out.
Namaste,
Becky
Aww thanks so much guys.
Yeah, i feel like I can tell them, but I can't just go out there and be like I also have an attraction to women as well as men.
I will just see how things go, and hope for the best
Coming out is a hard thing. I told my close friends when I became gay and I could not wait for my family to know. At first my mom hated it. That plus her drinking was always a reason to hate me as a teen. Now that she and I do not live together though and I am on my own things are 100 percent better. At first when I was a teen I hated it because no one liked me in my family because of this but I wanted them to be a part of my life and to discuss girls with my mom like any other thing. Please wait until you are older. If I could go back I would. If my cousin would not have came to me about being gay also I probably would have killed myself the feeling of not being excepted was so strong. You get that I want to tell the world feeling when you are young but you want to be sure you can handle the rejection if things do not go as planned when you do break the news. I hope it works out for you.
Yes, your emotional reaction must be considered. I, for one, am not affected by the opinions of those who are ignorant enough to judge me based on my sexuality, but everyone is different.
Becky
It is definitely important to be careful who you tell.
Having said that, I'm 23 & have been working on just being me. If people don't like me/who/what I am, then I don't need them in my life, plain & simple.
I've learned that the hard way going through other things with my family.
Yes, that's one of the main problems people face when considering coming out. You'd think that your blood relatives wouldn't treat you any differently and would support you. But the harsh reality is that this is not always the case. So, you just have to deal with it. Some people have friends who are more like family than their biological one could ever be. That's how it is with me. But ultimately, no matter how much shit you encounter, the only opinion that should ultimately matter when it comes to your identity is your own.
Namaste,
Becky
amen Becky; my friends are more like family to me. they love and support me regardless of my sexual orientation, and that's what counts.
so, to the original poster of this topic and anyone else, best of luck! if you ever need to vent or whatever, I'll be here.
Same here. I'm moving into a new place where I will have very limited computer access, but if anyone wants to talk on Skype, feel free to hit me up for my username.
aww thanks guys, thanks all of you. you have all helped a lot
Hey jess i would have to agree with everyone the ones that you think you can trust or you think would be there might turn there back on you just have to be careful and don't let them bring you down you need to do what makes yourself happy
I finally told my counseler how I was feeling, and she's going to work with me on this, i'm so happy!
You know yourself better than anybody. I’d say wait until your 18 to tell your family incase of any backlash. Maybe if you have a school councilor you can meet to find a way to tell your parents if you feel that’s necessary. I had a friend come out on his 17th birthday and his grandmother did not care. She got on him harder for smoking cigarettes than his sexual orientation.
You just never know how people will react. Do what you need to do after weighing out the positives and negatives.
Good luck with this I kjnow whatit was like for me coming out and let's just say it didn't go so well. I hated how my family reacted and it's one of those things that's hard for them but I odn't understand how it can be so easy for your parents to havegay or bi friends but when it comes to their own child??? I'll just never understand that but hey again good luck...
aww thanks, i think they're starting to get the hint, but i dont know.. i'm good at hiding this, and my counseler helps a lot
I'm glad you have a supportive person you can talk to in-person about this that knows you. I have a friend who is gay, and is young enough to be my daughter. She came out to me before her family, and I felt honored she could trust me that much.
Good luck,
Lou
hi jess,
it is hard coming out since people wil judge yu,and i would wait til yur older and just live yur life the way yu want to live it.
'm here if yu need to talk as well.
hugs,
sabrina
Jess, I think you and I have similar problems. I can't tell because my grandparetns are Catholic, though I want to tell them, I'm afraid of what they might do when I finally tell them. Well, that and I'm fourteen, so you know you're not the only fourteen-fifteen year old here struggling with this. I came out to my classmates ans my teacher first, and though they accepted me, my classmates didn't speak to me for a week, and in a class of fice, that's never a good thing. Anyways, I hope all goes well!
~Sam.
( I meant 'five' sorry)
aww thanks, it's good to know i'm not alone
heya all! it is quite okay- we are here for each other! xooooooooo all!
yeah it's hard, i mean my friends are the ones who know, family is a different story
i told my family that i dated girls last year. It was because my sisters thought it to be a really good idea to expose me in any way they could. My dirty laundry was flying out of the shoot left and right. So, I felt that rather than my parents finding out from them and hating me and coming to me screaming, i should tell them. My dad was really cool about it. I called him crying. He said he would hate me. The conversation went like this:
"Dad?" Could not speak much after that as I was trying to keep from crying to the point I could not breathe.
"Yes."
"Dad." I could say no more.
"What is it." My dad is so patient. My mother would be "What wat. Come on! What is it?!" She is impatient, hence the reason I do not tell her too much.
"I have something I need to tell you, and it is really bad."
"You're not a virgin."
"No. that's not it. I wish that is all that it was, but that is not it."
"What could be so horrible?"
"Dad! I'm a lesbian!" By now, I was crying uncontrollably. "I dated girls. I know that i've been studying the bible, and I'm trying to turn that around, but dad, I fight this every day of my life. i fight these feelings all the time. Sometimes, I feel like i'm going mad.! I spat all that out and got it off my chest in one breath.
"I don't hate you. I'd never disown you. i always love you."
OUr conversation went well. we talked a lot. He was so reassuring. Needless to say, my mom was accepting too, but she was not as cool about it. Her and I talked some, but it was not as nearly as long and relaxed as my dad.
If you want to tell your parents the truth, i'd do one of two things. I'd either wait until you are eighteen and can run away if they treat you like trash: or, I'd tell them now with someone present to mediate. You have to decide which will work best. i thank my elders for working with me through this, and I'm glad i'm not disowned.
my mom found out and doesn't care, but still..
since your mom found out, did she offer any advice as to if you should tel your dad and everyone else, or how to tel them?
Congrats! At least you know you've got one family member that's okay with it.
yeah i know, she just said i was young and i have my whole life ahead of me, but she doesn't care, and no one else knows. oh and btw, ladies i'm available. lol
nothing like the opprtunity to self-promote lol jk *grin* seriously, glad your first coming out situation went well - that is truly awesome! I would have loved it if mine had ben so easy.
lol yeah, just saying, i am actually looking for a gf
How did your mom find out? I'm curious about that. Did she go through your things and find something indicating this? Did she overhear a conversation. It would be interesting to know. If you don't want to say, that's fine.
yeah she found out by going on a site i'm on, it was pretty awkward. lol
awwww, huggles Jess.
Yeah thatwould be pretty awkward. Not sure i'd have been ok with that had i been in that situation.
Any family that truly loves you will not put up a fight. And it also really depends on your situation as well. For me anyway, I had a lot of stuff to contend with in my living situation. I'd have some dreams about other guys and I've even had feelings e.g. a crush or puppy love for some guys because of the way they've sounded to me. So as a good friend told me not too long ago, Since i didn't have time to focus on myself as a kid I'm forced to do it now and I'm realizing things i hadn't considered before, and I'm fine with it, other than the state I live in, I'm happy about my feelings and i've accepted them. I mean, sexuality is nothing more than a choice, a sexual preference, that's all it is. Just like i like the color blue, it's just what you like, but this country is all up in arms about gays or lezbian or this or that, and to me it makes no difference, I've had many gay friends and i still do, geno, dave, Mabin in china, shawn, samberg, etc, and brad just to name a few of them. Seemed kinda of strange to me but i've had no problem with it. Go with what makes you happy in live, and if that is what fits your fancy, then go for it, but be smart about it though. I'm moving to maine here from mississippi and I'm hoping that I can explore myself even more and confirm my suspicians..
Take care
I think people who are thinking of coming out should wait until they are in a stable relationship. Then at least if their family doesn't agree with their sexual orientation they can just leave home and live with their partners.
If your family doesn't accept you because of your sexual orientation, you shouldn't accept them as your family.
totally agreed with senior on that one..
agree with senior
when i came out my family really didnt care that i am a lesbian but i know of people whos families didnt accept it
Aww thanks guys, this is really helping. Now that I have come out to my parents, they are way more open towards me.
My parents still don't know, and the only one who knows within my family is my grandmom and she loves me no matter what, she told me exactly that.
yeah, it's not a secret anymore, but u guys are awesome at giving advice
So Jes, how does your family take it now they know?
well my mom doesn't say much, but she's cool with me going to the gay pride events and stuff, she's fine
Wow, this is an interesting board. I struggled for quite a long time. As a teen, I did my best to hide it. I did have a few playmates. I grew up in a boarding school, after all, but I wasn't nearly as open as I am now. Even through my 20's, I was pretty secretive about it. I'm not sure exactly when it happened for me, but somewhere around 30, I just decided that life was too short to try to be someone I wasn't. as with life, there's rarely ever a good balance. It always seems to be one extreme or the other. In the beginning, I was too secretive. and now, on the net, at least, I'm probably too open. It's not that I'm trying to shove anything down anyone's throat. *Omg, that just sounds funny and wrong in this particular context.* It has more to do with the fact that as long as I'm in hiding, my chances of eventually finding someone are almost zero. i've never told my family, but I think my brother and my dad know. My mom might. I'm not sure. When I was caught sucking a guy off when I was 15, I got suspended from highschool. My mom brought me breakfast in bed, and her words were, "We have company, and I don't want anyone to know that I have a queer for a son, so you'll eat in here." Somehow, even to this day, I don't think I've ever quite forgiven her. It was bad enough for me without her being so cruel. She sat me down and had my brother give me a big long lecture on how being gay was wrong. it wasn't easy for me to take, since he had once fucked me up the ass, quite forcefully, I might add. So, there's my lil contribution.
wow that's a really powerful story, thanks for sharing. It's still hard for me to tell certain people, i find that when i tell my friends who aren't that close, they're more accepting